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For every overweight person told they’d never find a mate :)
By admin | February 12, 2009
“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. … For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.” -Ivan Panin.
That has been a favorite quote of mine for years now as I truly believe that every person is indeed lovable and valuable. But for years I’ve overheard condemnation issued to my overweight friends (often by seemingly concerned family members and “friends.”) in hopes their fear of being alone will motivate them to change their bodies into sleek, fit love machines. >insert eyeroll here< There are few things I can think of that would be more counterproductive to someone already struggling with body image woes and I know way too many women (and men) who still wrestle with the voices of family members in their heads decades after hearing such words. When a person continually hears that no one will want them, it’s even hard for someone who genuinely loves them to convince them otherwise.
For the longest time I didn’t believe that anyone would love me just the way I am, and because I held firm to that belief, I tolerated and settled for many things in relationships I wouldn’t have if I had a clue of how worthy I was of being loved for all that I am. This is why it’s so very important to me to write and share my experience with others. I completely understand the need for healing in this area as it effects more than just romantic relationships, but it can also rob individuals of their joy in every area including friendships, job performance, mental health, and more.
At the time I met my husband, and yes we are an online dating success story, I had already begun healing my self esteem issues and was growing in my confidence in my abilities. I was already reevaluating my value as a person and working on letting go of my anger and resentment…issuing pardons to those who hurt me in the past with both words and deeds. I was on the right path in other words and ripe and ready for love. However, he and I didn’t begin our journey together looking to date. Instead we approached the situation as potential friends getting to know each other. In all the relationships I’ve had, this was a new concept for me. Could it be that the old standard for dating just doesn’t work in finding a lifelong mate? Anyway, as we focused on getting to know each other and accepting each other “as is,” we simply grew closer and closer and reached the point where we knew we had to meet in person.
The moment I saw his face smiling back at me, I knew that my life would never be the same! Not only did he not care about my size, but he loved me and my heart most of all and I really don’t think it mattered what kind of shell I came in. Regardless of what you’ve been told, someone will see the true wonder that is you and love you for it, the key, I think, is working on your own feelings and getting help to heal the old wounds and relearn a new way of seeing yourself BEFORE looking for love.
In the weeks to come I will be launching a new podcast that deals specifically with the issues of body image and building better self esteem. I invite you to bookmark this page and check back often for more information.
In the meantime, please visit and participate in the Fat Admirers project found here http://www.fat-admirers.com/
Topics: Plus Size Topics |
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